That Butler, That Vampire
by DomesticatedWerewolves
Summary: Slightly AU. A new underground organization has been created, so the Earl Phantomhive has arranged to meet them. Prophetic comments ensue and pastries are bashed.


Kana: We only have a friend of mine to thank (or curse) for this. Unfortunately, he loathes fanfiction, so he's probably dying on the inside as I write this. I expect to be smack upside the head tomorrow :D

**Disclaimer:** I don't own either Kuroshitsuji or Hellsing. Try and sue and you'll have no case, cause I have no life and therefore write just for the shits and giggles.

**Summary: **Slightly AU. A new underground organization has been created, so the Earl Phantomhive has arranged to meet them. Prophetic comments ensue.

**Notes on the Holy Scripture**: Alright! Note time! This is set (in Kuroshitsuji) AFTER Jack the Ripper but BEFORE the circus, in that merry little area in between. BUT, I'm taking some liberties, since Black Butler seems to take place before the capture of Alucard in Hellsing (even though they have shit like CARS AND VIDEO GAMES in the first few chapters. It's a TIME PARADOX). Also, I only use the manga adaptation, because I think the anime takes away some of the gothic horror that _is_ Kuroshitsuji (even though Pluto is an amazing furry ;p). Plus the season just ends at a totally WEIRD time…like all animes based off unfinished manga do. AND it's just stupid near the end. Seriously, WTF. So don't be reviewing saying 'WUT CIRCUS' because I will punch you into orbit with my MIND.

When I say 'Sebastian smiled' I mean 'Sebastian smiled that batshit-crazy loony-toons grin that could make hardcore marines crap their pants. I thought Alucard had the creepiest smile ever. This was blown to all hell. Its one hell of a - (shot).

I said smile way too much. I know, I know; Jacob Marley is dead and I'm repetitive.

Mighty long notes equal a mighty long one-shot. I hope you enjoy it. Also – FAIL TITLE. FAAAAAAAAAAAIL.

xxx

**That Butler; That Vampire**

**One-Shot**

xxx

"Young master, it is time to wake."

The young master in question was already awake, and had been for the last five minutes. But, just like any human was wont to do, he had stayed under the covers, seeking their cozy warmth. The air in his bedroom had grown cold due to the weather, and the very thought of stepping out into it made him shiver uncontrollably.

Ciel never wanted Sebastian to know this. Ever. Not even under torture or the threat of death. That was why he did his very best at pretending to sleep, keeping his face completely relaxed as his butler repeated his morning wake up call (with the appropriate foodstuffs substituted in).

"Today's breakfast of kedgeree has been prepared. Side dishes of toast, cornbread, and scones have been baked. Which one would the young master prefer?"

_The scone, obviously_. "The scone." Ciel threw back the covers and soft sheets and instantly forced down a shiver as cold air assaulted him.

Sebastian saw his young lord stiffen for all of a fraction of a second and hid his small smile.

While munching on the scone and taking routine bites of the kedgeree, Ciel didn't notice that something was terribly, horribly, end-of-the-world wrong. After he swallowed the third bite of his scone he had an inkling that something was out of the ordinary. But it was during the process of scooping up a fourth forkful of fish that he finally realized it.

His efficient, quote-on-quote 'one hell of a butler' hadn't started telling him the morning agenda. Which meant Sebastian thought there was something more important than his job to be said.

"What is it?" Ciel asked around a mouthful of scone and kedgeree (which went horrible together). He stared down the smiling butler.

"There is a letter," Sebastian said softly, producing a crisp, white envelope from his coat.

The scone froze in midair as Ciel looked at the letter, which had an official air about it. It was not a note from Elizabeth telling him about cute things, that was for sure.

"Give it to me," Ciel commanded, holding out a hand while putting down the scone with another.

Once the envelope was safely in his hands, Ciel carefully picked at the sealing wax until it came free. The white letter inside was unfolded carefully, displaying the black, perfect calligraphy. His eyes flicking back and forth, absorbing the contents of the letter, Ciel's face slowly morphed from careful antipathy to slight annoyance.

"It's from John Brown," he mumbled, still scanning the letter. Sebastian relaxed his shoulders a little, and some of the amusement drained out of his face. If it wasn't directly from the Queen, then it was just a matter of silly human politics. "He says another family like ours has given their support to the throne."

Sebastian's face lit up again, but he concealed it easily. Those were human politics, but they were _interesting_ human politics. "What does it say?" he asked, pouring another cup of tea for his young master.

"It says…" Ciel popped the last mouthful of scone in his mouth and let Sebastian wait as he chewed. He swallowed deliberately. "It says that they've just established themselves as a specialist organization, though it doesn't specify what they do. But this man, Abraham van Helsing, has offered his services to Her Majesty, and she's accepted."

A wide, sly smile crawled its way across Sebastian's face.

"Shall I make plans to have them over this week?" the butler asked, carefully giving his master the teacup.

Steam curled around Ciel's face as he sipped the tea. "Yes."

xxx

Two days later, Abraham van Helsing was sitting in his office when he felt something strange come up behind him. It was the odd sensation of someone breathing on the back of his neck, except the breath was cold and made him break out in sweat.

"Come out this instant, Alucard," Helsing demanded, looking a bit irked. But only a bit. Since the vampire was the only servant he had in the house – for it was so new that some of the plaster in the basement wasn't completely dry yet – he had grown used to the signs of his entrance. Now they barely bothered him.

The vampire slid out from a particularly dense shadow, looking worse for the wear. He was still getting used to being up during the daylight hours, and Abraham made another mental note to quickly hire some help, before his vampire got sunstroke. Or lost even more of his sanity.

With his eyes hidden under the massive fedora he had started wearing to block out the sun, Alucard held out an envelope. He said nothing while doing it, and didn't bow afterward. Every fiber of his being rejected being a temporary butler, so he refused to add any civility to his actions.

Helsing took note of the letter and the fact that it was already opened. Alucard's gloves prevented any hard evidence of his intrusion, so he let it pass. The vampire's natural curiosity was a wonder to behold, and he would go to drastic lengths to quench it. But Abraham just couldn't let the vampire get away with such a thing.

"Read it to me." Helsing sat back in his chair, smirking as the vampire flinched.

Alucard let out a big sigh, obviously exhausted. But he cleared his throat and unfolded the letter, and began to read it.

"Dear Van Hellsing," Alucard began, his voice hoarse. Abraham knew that was on purpose. "It has come into my attention that you've recently formed an organization in the underground – my, what a strange term. Are we going to ride on trains, master?"

"No Alucard," Abraham said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Another one of his vampire's quirks was his obsession with British trains. He could barely contain himself whenever they went on the underground. "Just let me have the letter. You may retire for the morning."

"Thank you, master." Alucard bowed while handing him the letter. As soon as the edge of the paper touched Helsing's fingertips he was gone.

Abraham bit his tongue as he read the letter, feeling threatened as he read more. While the intention of the message had a 'welcome to London' feel about it, it had dark undertones. Perhaps this Ciel Phantomhive always wrote like this – his name in itself had dark undertones.

Whatever the intention was, Phantomhive didn't just want to welcome him to Britain.

xxx

As his master was reading the letter, Alucard _did not_ return to his coffin. He had found a loophole in Abraham's commands, and the best ones included the word 'retire'. That word had more than one meaning, and the main one was to 'stop working' and not 'go to bed', with the latter being on Abraham's mind when he said it.

But Alucard had the first meaning spinning through his head, careening about like a bird with a broken wing. Disobeying his master was extremely thrilling, especially when the old bastard in question had no idea that he was doing it. The vampire figured that this was what drove humans to do stupid things – thrill and excitement.

He soared over London in the form of a bat, scanning the ground for something interesting. A crowd of people was always best, because he could spiral over them and attract attention, which stroked his severely flattened ego. In Romania, if the peasants saw a bat, they shot it from the sky and burned its body. This led to a lot of innocent bats being killed and a lot of vampires laughing at the hilarity of humans.

Alucard liked London, which was a surprise to him. He had thought he would detest it, and eventually pine away for the mountains where he lived, but in reality there were many benefits to being a vampire in London. The biggest one was the severe lack of sun. It was nearly always overcast, which meant that he could go outside without worrying about growing weak or thirsty. Sure, he could still feel the sun on the back of his neck, always tingling uncomfortably like a ghostly spider, but at least it didn't burn like in Romania.

_What is this?_ Alucard thought, feeling something tug at his dulled senses as he thought about sun. Something sulfurous teased his nostrils, so he flew in that direction and hung from the first tree he saw to pinpoint it.

Anybody looking at that tree would have seen one queerly large bat hanging there, and wondered what it was doing out in the daytime.

Not caring about anything but the smell, Alucard swung up and around, changing into his usual red-coated form. He sat on the tree limb, ignoring the yelp of whoever had been watching the bat seconds ago, and used his senses of sight and smell – considerably better than the bat's – to locate the source of the bitter scent.

There. North of London.

Alucard leapt from the tree, bursting out from the spindly, bare branches as a bat once more and streaking for the source. He did not coast on thermals, preferring to use rapid wing beats to thrust himself forward. The cold wind didn't sting his eyes, so he kept them open and continued onward, feeling his blood surging through his veins, propelled by his insane excitement.

This did not smell human.

Flying up high, Alucard targeted the exact location of the smell. He circled above it like a hawk observing prey, and found it to be coming from an upscale mansion, similar to the one his master had bought.

_Courtyardcourtyardcourtyard,_ his mind sang as he saw the creature the scent came off of. Alucard dropped down, taking a place hanging from a tree with a few straggling bunches of leaves still clinging to it. He used those for meager camouflage and watched the acrid creature.

It did not match its smell. Alucard cocked his bat's head as the human-looking monster bent down and…started petting a cat. The vampire king was extremely curious now. He wanted to get a closer look, but didn't want to risk it. So instead he just absorbed its image.

He was wearing the guise of a human, wearing a uniform that his master had tried to force upon him during that hellish first coherent day. Black tailcoat, waistcoat, tie, and pants, with a white shirt and gloves. He had longish black hair, like Alucard, except his was brushed back, leaving only long fringes framing his face. He sat on the garden pathway without a care, shamelessly taking one of the cat's forepaws between his index finger and thumb and squeezing it. He looked like he was on cloud nine.

Alucard felt thoroughly cheated. This was no heartless monster, like himself. This was a cat-loving, tailcoat-wearing, refined butler of some ridiculous English noble. But that didn't explain his scent.

While the vampire sulked, he must have let out a sigh, because the butler's face suddenly shot up, revealing red eyes.

_Well now,_ Alucard felt his features stretch into a smile, which had never graced a bat's face before. _That's interesting. _

The butler set down the cat and looked around the courtyard, his eyes narrowed. Alucard felt excitement bubbling in his throat and found another drawback to the bat-shape. They were fidgety animals, and this body wanted him to stretch to relieve the anxiety.

Just as the butler's eyes were about to land on him, somebody started wailing.

"Mr. _Sebaaaaaaastian!_"

The butler winced and looked towards the house. A young woman came out, dressed in a maid's uniform and thick glasses. "What is it, Mey-Rin?" he asked, hiding the twitch he had developed in his left cheek.

The young maid held up a cloth napkin, which was dyed pink. She sniffed, and Alucard used that noise to let out a yawn and stretch his wings. Most of the giddiness drained out of him, replaced by curiosity.

"One of the young master's cravats must have been wrapped up in a sheet!" the maid lamented, dabbing at her eyes with the stained napkin. "I didn't notice until the linens were already dyed!"

This Mr. Sebastian closed his eyes, and Alucard figured he was counting to ten. For a better look, the bat flew up a few rows of trees, hanging from a branch scarcely five meters from the butler. He wanted so badly to read his mind, to see just what went on in there, but he dare not risk it (little did he know, there was merely a list of chores in there). This creature had on a perfect disguise, lacking anything monstrous, and he might be just as powerful as himself.

The last thing Alucard wanted was to start a fight with this creature. Actually, he wouldn't mind a fight – for he had been bored to tears for the past few weeks – but if he came back to his master displaying the butler's head on a pike, Abraham would not be too happy. And it would be such a shame if those linens remained pink.

Alucard laughed as the butler shot him a glare before following the main into the house.

xxx

There was something in his master's garden, and it was putting Sebastian on edge. But he followed Mey-Rin through the house, into the laundry room. For once it wasn't soaked with water and soap, but there was a bundle of sopping, faintly pink sheets next to the washing basin. It looked like some kind of grotesque, wet organ.

Mey-Rin sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve, as she had given him the pink napkin. "I'm sorry, Mr. Sebastian."

"Let me take care of it, Mey-Rin," Sebastian said, putting on a forced smile. The thing that had been in the courtyard was now near the laundry room window, and he could feel its aura pressing down on him like a thick blanket. He didn't know what it was or if it presented a threat, but he wanted it gone. "Would you go wipe down a tea set of your choice for our master?"

Sebastian knew that this would probably end up with another set broken to pieces, but he needed to be alone to deal with the pest.

With an excited squeak, Mey-Rin went off, wiping her glasses on her apron in hopes that it will prevent her from breaking anything. But Sebastian knew that even new glasses wouldn't do a thing. Perfect vision and a godly miracle wouldn't do a thing.

With the dark, looming presence pushed to the back of his mind, Sebastian hung his tailcoat over a nearby chair and rolled up his sleeves. Then he locked the laundry room door and took off his gloves, so as not to get them wet. How Mey-Rin would react to black fingernails was beyond him – she would be so caught up with it that she wouldn't notice the contract's seal.

In seconds Sebastian was elbow deep in sudsy water. He found the rusted tin of bleach and poured in a bit. Not enough to damage the fabric, but enough to wash out the pink. Soon he had produced a tub of clean, _white_ linens, which he was rapidly putting through the mangle.

Less than ten minutes after Mey-Rin had rudely interrupted his break (with the cat), Sebastian had bleached the linens and dried them to the point where they were no longer sopping. He folded the damp sheets and placed them neatly in a wicker basket, ready to be hung outside.

In the courtyard.

Sebastian sniffed his hands and found that they smelled of chlorine and soap. He frowned and dried them with swift movements over his waistcoat before replacing his gloves. He tugged them up for a tight fit when he caught a whiff of the intruder.

The demon bit back a growl by sticking his tongue in his cheek. Butlers did not growl. Not even when confronted with a most _infuriating_ presence. Sebastian thought about nice things, like strangling the creature following him until it was making a death rattle, as he shrugged on his tailcoat. Then he hitched the basket up onto a hip and carried it out the door.

Finny was there, sniffling. "Mr. Sebastian…" he began, tears in his eyes.

But Sebastian was just meters away from confronting the presence. "Have Tanaka handle it," he said curtly, and walked towards the courtyard door.

His bitter tone should have sent Finny into hysterics, but instead the young gardener cocked his head in shock. Tanaka was usually allowed to sit and drink tea in peace; what could be so important to Sebastian that he would make Finnian bother the older man?

"I'll have to tell the others to handle it themselves…" Finny said, sheepishly picking at the dirt under his nails.

xxx

Alucard was practically keening in joy – for bats don't laugh. The butler was a demon! Oh, this was too good to be true. That seal on his hand was most definitely a contract's seal, and if that wasn't enough, he had the black nails of his kind. Only an idiot wouldn't put two and two together (three and three, if you counted his eyes) and come up with four (or six).

The vampire was so caught up in his excitement that he didn't notice the butler come back outside and start hanging _sheets_. When he finally opened his eyes and saw the blurry form of the demon doing such a menial task, he let out another squeak of hilarity.

_My, you are a good little boy, aren't you?_ Alucard snickered. He flew to a tree closer to the clothesline and hung there, where he decisively turned back into his usual form and sat there.

"I see you've decided to show your face," Sebastian said, reaching up and pinning another sheet corner into place. He didn't spare the vampire a glance, but he felt Alucard staring at him.

"I have," Alucard purred back, watching with interest.

At the sound of his voice, Sebastian knew _exactly_ who this was. The soul that was filled to the brim with hatred, sorrow, bloodlust, and insanity. The soul that every demon craved and spent nights almost religiously wishing for a taste of. The soul that had recently been bound to a measly human who had no idea what kind of delicacy he had in his grasp.

Dracula was stalking him. Sebastian felt the smile spread across his face. As of late the butler had been trying to act less like a hungry beast, but this was like dangling a loaf of bread in front of a starving man. No; this was much more than that, so much so that it could not be described in words. This was a soul that was saturated in the best spices, every tainted feeling only making it more delectable.

This was teasing a starving animal with the best cut of meat.

"Hello, Count," Sebastian drawled, his voice nothing but golden honey as he put up another sheet.

Alucard let out a pleased hum as he jumped down from the tree, his hum growing louder as he realized he was several inches taller than the butler. "Well, it's not fair that you know me but I don't know you."

Sebastian turned his back on his work and bowed to the vampire, something that pleased Alucard even more. "Sebastian Michaelis, head of staff at the Phantomhive household."

Something clicked in Alucard's mind, but he kept it there instead of laughing about it. "Lies," he said instead, smirking at the demon.

"Of course." Sebastian found that he only had one sheet left, and then he would have to return inside, cutting their talk short. "I may not lie to my master, but I will lie to you."

"That is fine," Alucard said, feeling a slight twang in his seals. His master was thinking of checking on him, and he would need to leave soon. "We all have pseudonyms these days."

The last sheet was in place and Abraham was making up his mind. The two monsters said their farewells – with one oblivious to the fact that this meeting would not be their last – and parted ways. Alucard flew like a bat out of hell (in more ways than one) for the Hellsing mansion while Sebastian took the rim of the wicker laundry basket in one hand and headed for the Phantomhive mansion.

"Sebastian!" Ciel yelped from inside the manor.

The demonic butler in question flinched, finally seeing the mistake in leaving Finny to his own devices.

xxx

"I expect you to behave civilly, Alucard."

The fact that Abraham assumed that, upon arriving at the Phantomhive house, Alucard was going to a) go on a killing spree, b) throw food around, c) eat somebody, or d) do all of the above while nude, was very insulting to the vampire king. Surely Helsing knew that the seals would prevent any blood drinking or murdering. And, on another note, Alucard hadn't thrown anything, much less food, since he had been a child, with the exception of tossing his dead meals out his castle window whenever he felt like watching the cadaver bounce.

Even pushing someone from the very top of the Phantomhive manor wouldn't produce a satisfactory bounce.

So now Alucard sighed heavily, feeling very irritable, and crossed his long legs. The carriage that they rode in had been made for a man of Abraham's height, not for a vampire who was fifty percent legs. He did not care to hide is boredom from his master, looking out the window and watching as humans bustled by. A longing rose up in his throat, the first signs of thirst, as he watched the women, who hid their throats with scarves. They were teases, each and every one of them.

Abraham knew the signs of a hungry vampire. "Alucard," he said curtly, jerking the vampire's attention back to him. "If you are hungry, you could merely drink one of the donated bags I've gotten for you."

Alucard scowled deeply, glaring at his master. "No. I refuse to drink them. They are cold and taste like turpentine." He jiggled his foot, feeling stupid crossing his legs and wishing that he could just push Abraham out the carriage door and sprawl across the seat.

"You haven't gotten used to them yet," Helsing said, watching his foot as if it was actually interesting.

"You say that now," Alucard drawled, looking back towards the window, "but I'd like to see you drink some formaldehyde and see how you enjoy it." He watched a noble walk by, his butler tagging along. The demon came to mind and suddenly he was smirking again, all sulkiness blown away by the prospect of some fun. Abraham took this as a sign that his vampire was plotting something disastrous.

Helsing felt like grinding the heels of his hands into his face, to try and massage some order back into his life. "Please, Alucard, do not disrupt this arrangement. The Phantomhives are supposed to be renowned for their hospitality and for their authority in the line of work we're going to be doing. I want to get as much information as I can from this Earl. Do not reveal what you are to him."

A bark of laughter escaped from between Alucard's lips. "That will be hard."

"How so?" Helsing asked, feeling his stomach cramp in anticipation.

"The Phantomhive butler is also a demon." Alucard smirked at his master's reaction.

But Abraham was taking it quite well. Now he was merely suspicious.

"How do you know this?" Helsing asked, his ice blue eyes narrow.

Even though he was enslaved, he had not lost a drop of the cunning that was needed to survive for this long. He saw the Phantomhive manor in the distance, and it was much more than a courtyard. An answer formed quickly in his head.

"I can smell him," Alucard said, watching the mansion grow closer. "I am not just a new and exciting pet with only knowledge of how to survive in the mountains with three vivacious wenches." He pretended he didn't hear Abraham say 'what is needed to survive _that_?'

Storm clouds hung over Alucard's head, so Abraham did not question him further.

"London is a strange place," Abraham said simply as it began to snow.

"You're a little strange yourself, master," Alucard muttered.

xxx

Sebastian had never thought that the meeting with the vampire would come back to bite him. But even before he opened the door – no, even before he had heard the knock – he had felt unnaturally hungry. But opening that door had been like opening an oven, except that it was something entirely different than heat hitting him square in the face.

The vampire was smirking, showing off thick fangs, as he stood behind an aging human with a stare that could have brought down the devil himself.

Recovering in record time, Sebastian shoved the thoughts of souls to the back of his mind and greeted them. He bowed to the visitors, forcing a smile upon his face.

"Welcome, Sir Abraham van Helsing," he said, focusing in Helsing's shoes. Sebastian found that he slipped easily back into his butler façade. "The young master is waiting on the patio to speak with you. Shall I lead the way?"

"If you would," Abraham said, still staring at the demon. Sebastian could feel a million hot needles prickling his back as he walked along, but he took no heed. It was the vampire's smirk that irked him the most.

With any luck, he would be able to get through this day without sticking a nice big silver fork into the vampire's forehead.

xxx

Alucard was enjoying himself _a lot_. He hadn't been this entertained since he sent a certain paranoid solicitor screaming from his castle.

First, there was the demon, looking absolutely flustered in the face of one such as he – impertinence personified and wrapped up in red. His face had been enough to amuse Alucard for days to come, and the vampire could see the slight frustration in the demon's actions. His little master could see it too.

Upon seeing the Earl Phantomhive, Helsing had nearly swallowed his tongue. Alucard had actually swallowed his tongue, but only because his inhale – in preparation to cackle wildly – had been of such epic proportions. And because he wasn't used to inhaling. He covered up the shock easily.

But the situation was just so perfect. His master has obviously been expecting someone…_taller_ than the Earl. Someone who couldn't play a girl in the Globe Theatre. Someone…just someone older.

"It is nice to meet you, Sir Helsing," the Earl said, a hint of a dark smile playing on his lips. "I can't say I thought I'd ever have the chance to meet someone like you."

"The same goes for me." Alucard watched as his master forced a smile and felt his day just get _so_ much better.

"We should be able to leave," he whispered to the butler, his voice so quiet that even his sharp, deceptively able master wouldn't be able to hear it. "They will be too busy circling each other like hungry lions to care about what we're doing."

Sebastian's eyes flicked towards the smirking vampire, and to his inward shame the first thought to flicker into his mind after that comment was 'what's so bad with lions?' After he shook himself slightly, he cast a glace at his young master. Ciel was too busy chatting with van Helsing to notice a train crashing through the mansion, so it was possible he would find Sebastian gone and merely think the butler was off doing something domesticated.

Without saying anything, Sebastian walked back into the manor, completely ignoring Alucard even when the vampire followed him. Abraham cast Alucard a withering glance as he left, to which the vampire responded by shrugging and giving him what he hoped was an innocent grin. In reality it was a blatant bearing of fangs.

Sebastian tried to lose the vampire in the endless hallways of the mansion, but Alucard always seemed to be behind him, as if they were tethered at the hip. He had the ability to sift through walls, which made it nigh impossible for Sebastian to shake him.

"Does it itch?" Suddenly the vampire's cold breath was drifting across the shell of his ear, and Sebastian jumped a mile. It had been years since something had surprised him that much.

Sebastian's fingers curled. "Does _what_ itch?"

"This." Alucard grabbed Sebastian's hand before the demon could stop him. He slowly worked off the glove, letting it slide over the seal like wool over dry skin. "This must itch." He smirked. "I bet it digs under your skin."

"At least…" Sebastian brushed off the vampire with an elegant shoulder shrug. "I do not have _two_." Without turning around, the butler grabbed Alucard's gloves and slipped them off just enough to reveal the raw red wounds underneath. "Mine may itch, but those must _burn_."

Alucard wasn't even fazed. Sebastian wondered what _would_ get him to go away. Perhaps if he stabbed him in the heart and twisted it. A lot.

"You cannot upset me merely by mentioning my enslavement," Alucard purred, seemingly behind Sebastian and next to him at the same time. His voice was near and far, and it irritated Sebastian to his core. "I have accepted it."

"So have I." Sebastian let one of his hands gently graze a wall, feeling for any of the servants. He did not want any of them bumping into Alucard.

None of the servants were anywhere near them, thankfully, but that could change at any time. Sebastian hoped Ciel would call him back soon, or for the vampire's master to leave. But something told him that it was going to be one of those exhausting days.

"You are leading me in a circle," Alucard suddenly said, and his voice and presence lost the here and there feeling. "And if it's to keep me away from those neurotic maids, you can calm down. They don't interest me." He sounded dangerously bored.

"And why not?" Sebastian walked a little slower, peeking over his shoulder at the vampire.

"Daft females don't interest me," Alucard announced.

"Ah." Sebastian felt a little miffed that the help that _he_ helped hire was being insulted, so he felt the need to speak up in their defense. "I wouldn't say that to her face. Mey-Rin is quite good with a rifle."

Alucard's face split in a grin. "Now _that_ I'd like to see."

Abruptly Sebastian felt the familiar tugging of an immanent command. "It seems our masters are done speaking. Do you wish to see how they've faired?"

"I do." Alucard followed the butler down a hallway that seemed to appear out of thin air. He noticed that Sebastian was no longer borderline running to keep away from him, and it annoyed him slightly. He had been hoping to see how far he could push the butler's buttons. He had never seen a peeved demon before.

It only took them a few seconds of walking to return to the patio, whereas Sebastian had led them on a ten minute stroll down the same relative path. Alucard felt his hopes drop again when he saw that the two masters weren't tearing at each others throats. In fact, Abraham looked relaxed, and no longer glared at Sebastian.

"Sebastian," Ciel began, and the demon could already predict what he wanted. Something to do with sweets. "We will have another pot of tea." His mouth said 'tea' but his eye said 'pastries - now'.

Sebastian made a mental note to sift through the mess that the kitchen probably was and find the linzer torte he had prepared in advance. He bowed to Ciel and stepped back into the mansion, Alucard following without even glancing at his master.

"You must be terribly patient," Alucard commented as he watched Sebastian painstakingly look over the tart he had made, making sure none of the servants had picked at it.

"It is a prerequisite." Sebastian placed the tart on a serving dish and felt a twinge of pride.

"To be a successful butler or a successful demon?"

"Both."

For a while they both looked at the linzer torte. The lace design on the currant had been done perfectly, and it matched the lattice on the china plates that Sebastian was laying out.

When Sebastian went to heat another pot of tea, he left Alucard staring at the tart. "That looks absolutely disgusting," the vampire said with a smirk.

"It is." Sebastian had had to taste the batter twice, and it still lingered in the back of his mouth.

"I hope I never have a child master," Alucard chuckled, wrinkling his nose. "Having to look at this kind of thing is bad enough just the one time."

xxx

Kana: AGHHSHIT. Of course I finish this after midnight on a night before MIDTERMS. My timing is impeccable. Oh well, midterms are on half days, and I have Nickelback CDs in my car to blast the parking lot to Britain and back. :3 Canadian rock/metal bands ftw. Eh.

I think that Sebastian would hate Alucard sooo much. He'd be all 'this servant does not act CIVIL (insert snooty action here)'. If not he'd be scared shitless of all the red; 'FFFFFFFFFFFFGRELLISBACK'. Then again, his thought process is pretty twisted. For all we know he could be thinking 'omnomnomnom'.

There are countless references in this fic. One to Sebastian's lulzy catch phrase, or variations thereof, (Cause we all lurve that. I bet you're all grinning like dorks right now. It's okay – so am I) and several to Hellsing events/characters. Enjoy finding them :D

Let's review cause we're all complete dorks and so proud of it.


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